direct retrograde - love heart cheat code

mercury retrograde has finally gone direct and while this astro season has been particularly wild, the shadow period after this particular retrograde is crucial for the integration of self, as we move into community practice via intention and care. We make friends by making friends with ourselves first.

listen to the track telescope while viewing this visual. a representation of the splits of coloniality.

sometimes the cards speak first

sometimes ancestors give me the story and the card align

this wave jump is the latter

The album - Love Heart Cheat Code - Hiatus Kaiyote ( clips are from spotify)

The Track - Make Friends, Cinnamon Temple, Love Heart Cheat Code, How to Meet Yourself, Dreamboat, White Rabbit (but really the entire DAMN album. I have others peaces connected to this album we will explore later)

simbi la flambeau (8 of wands)

8 of wands

I'm

comin in hot

when is the last time you had a good look at yourself in the mirror. A long stare at the surface until something stirs in you?

what is the self? what is personhood? what does it mean to be me, autonomously?

I think about the process of reverse osmo(cis) at the wata(ring) w(hole). Osmosis is a process of wata transport.

indigenous bodies are freshwater (yes, we are all technically salt wata) but for the metaphor, we fresh to death and they a salty dog.

colonialism introduced salt to our freshwater, forcing us outside of ourselves, killing ancient ancestral flower, in order to compensate for and to support empire, at the cost of our own sovereignty, and the loss of our true histories and power.

colonialism introduced the fear via the binary, capitalism, anti- Blackness, homophobia etc, this is the salinated seed that corrupts the hole.

reverse osmosis is a process of desalinization. It is the application of pressure to salt water in order to remove the salt molecule from wata and restore it w(hole), fresh wata.

reverse osmo(cis) is the embodied restoration of the indigenous self from captured, colonial binary mindsets, a restoration and wata(ring) of the w(hole), a trans praxis, fre(e)sh wata.

when salt was introduced to our cosmos it forced a splitting of sorts. I am thinking about the movie elemental, when Wade Ripple shows up as multiple bouquets of flowers to warn Ember Lumen, that the glass levee they built to protect fire town from flooding is about to shatter. (Tarot-deluge)

Empire has forces us to shatter, split, and amoeba into versions of ourselves for survival. healing and embodiment requires the reintegration, not the discarding of those versions of self back into the w(hole).  (tarot - magick mirror)

Colonialism is about splitting and separating, compartmentalizing. Keep everyone and everything separate, secretive, fearful, looking over their shoulders always.  It is about hiding secret shame and creating cloaked versions of yourself, where you pretend to be something you are not. (tarot -secret societies, rada 2)

It is the pacifying of certain violent imaginary  behaviors for some while demonizing the tried and true ancestral legacy of the w(hole), in order to create hierarchy and control.

The spell of colonialism is that this splitting of self is enforced from birth, you are forced into colonial osmosis by subtle and not so subtle means. This happens the most, for the least of us, those of us with banana skin melanination, as we are the ones who must press through the thickest of cell membranes, in order to gain access to the w(hole).

for it can never be home,  saltwater afrikans and salt water vanilla ice are in antithesis to one another. One is the basis for healing, the general practitioners of the earth.  The other dis-ease, and all consuming, flesh eating thing. (tarot - Zombi)

my first split was the fact that the man who claims to be my father is not.  so my identity was completely captured and formed by someone who had no rights to me or my body. But control and forced exerted forced me outside of myself.

the next split was my neurodivergent mind, being forced to create a version of myself that could survive the physical and verbal abuse of the household I grew up in. never being allowed to chance to know my body of wata, before compensating for the lack in others. A lack of emotional security means you have to cloak everyone you engage in insecurity creating a false foundation of power that is actually quick sand.

after that, was the religion split and the ways I was expected to contort my person and self on behalf of a fake god that was used to enslave the people I come from. they ways I was meant to extend my discernment to strangers whose only goal was power, manipulation, and control.

and the splits continue, eventually you spilt so much that you become something completely outside of yourself. an assimilated piece of colonial property. One foot in the grave the other chained neatly.

healing in the western sense, tells you to keep those aspects of the self, split.  anti depressants literally make you numb to you. in forces those peaces that need to be integrated into the shadows, where they linger and lurk.

you might acknowledge them briefly in therapy, but you’re still meant to banish them somehow, lock the door and throw away the key so you can get back to the work of coloniality.

However, if there is a door and a key it will eventually reopen and the wound will express itself anew, bigger, deeper, scarier. The door must be removed and the frame now an altar, through which old versions of yourself can pass through freely, released from their shame.

Seeing the split of self reflected, making the choice to go through the mirror, in loving embrace, welcoming and reintegrating those lost aspects of you back into the self?

the recognition of those splits, once reintegrated back into the self, are meant to bring you into full view of your ancestral gifts and purpose here on this timeline.

heaven was never something you wait for till you die, it rights here, within you.

I am living proof. Every symptom I was experiencing as a part of my OCD, severe anxiety, cptsd has subsided, as a result of my calling all of those splintered aspects of myself, back in with love and answering the call of ancestors and spirit. (tarot -possession)

healing isn’t this fresh start , where the slate is wiped clean.  It is a recognition of a past that held you in it, which means on occasion it’s going to ask to be re-acknowledged. And those moments of confusion and chaos, when you know you’ve done the work are like flares, where those older versions of self will split and try to take the rei(g)ns. we meet reign with rain, we tap into guy discernment, even though the air (intellect) is going to make you think differently.

the lesson is in your approach, can we grind down those cyclical lessons and now use them as fuel to baptism by fire.  (Tarot - erzulie la flambeau)

that’s the definition of the human experience. the gift and the magic resides in your ability to acknowledge,  recognize the split, release the pressure, allowing the w(hole) to come back into alignment. ( Haitus Kaiyote cinnamon temple)

colonialism benefits when you split and loop back on that old self. the confusion and chaos is the key and cloak.

when you are trapped in a cage of your own making, believing that split is the w(hole) of who you are, because colonialism says you can only be one thing and you must never change.  (tarot - zombi)

When splitting is really a holy reminder that you don’t have to look outside of yourself for the answer and the moment you do you are welcoming in more colonial wild fire.

when air and fire are swirling we go to the body of water to ground indigenous wildfire. literally get out of your head. “Ask alice when she’s 10 feet tall”

If an old you is in tantrum, we should be curious, wondering why? offering it a kiss, a hug, and some one on one time for the boo boo. not canceling ourselves as we do the culture.

what trigger did I flip and what is this newest version of me asking me to be aware of?

If i’ve flipped an old version of me, I must be on the right path because old wounds scream the loudest when healing is right on the otha side - trans.

Once all is said and done that split must

be returned to the w(hole), not placed in timeout seperate from its many selves,  but welcomed back with the gentlest intention, care and love.

Reassured that we ain’t goin back into old territory, no matter how scary this new terrain may be. Get me(m)bodied, Queen Be(Spoke). ( tarot - petro mambo)

the choreo

who is the master of your head?

upon recognition that possession is the first spell cast by empire

you must bare your soul

mind and body

to the secret societies that have claimed and shamed you

allowing the body and mind to overflow its capacities because only then can you look in the mirror true

seeing all the splits of you

to zombie

no longer

healed within the realm of granny’s kitchen

Oya strikes true

the time for transformation has come

emotions grinding to control

air and fire no longer simbi

when bound my muva’s wata

proofread at the crossroads

baptized by mambo

now one with

healing fire

from water kiln

dom(free)

me

Here I am Dreamboat, Take me Home